Meant to Be

I haven’t told many yet, but my wife and I are expecting a child next April.  Our first doctor’s appointment is Monday (9/29).  We suspect she is about 9 weeks pregnant to the best of our recollection.  This is great news, but I am finding it difficulty getting excited this time around.  No, I don’t have any children yet.  But we were already expecting this November.  That’s right, she had a miscarriage.  It was devastating to us both.  We haven’t been planning for a child, or even really trying; but when we discovered she was pregnant, we were ecstatic.  We’ve talked a lot about having kids but were not going to try until I was done with school, but things happen—and they happen for a reason, I believe.

A quick aside, Natalie (my wife) and I put our lives on hold while attempting to purchase a well-established local business over the past few months—since shortly after her miscarriage, actually.  Difficulty in finding the financing necessary due to the current owners bookkeeping methods forced us to back out of the deal.  This business was a shared dream of ours and we worked very hard to put together a deal to make it work, but we just couldn’t make it happen.

Having two major disappointments in a row—the miscarriage and the loss of the business deal—we were finding it difficult to make sense of things.  Family members offered their support and all proclaimed “it wasn’t meant to be.”  Neither of us wanted to hear this.

Nevertheless, here we are again with another life-changing event.  I hate to admit it, but it makes sense.  We learned a lot about ourselves through these trying times.  Dealing with the grief of losing an unborn child and the vulnerability of exposing yourself to the business world only to be rejected can crush your spirit a bit.  But the truth is, had we acquired the business, we would be in dire straights as it would have taken both of us to make it work, and she is in no condition to give that kind of effort.  So far, the pregnancy has been difficult for her.  She is very fatigued and nauseous most of the day; and being the bread-winner in the family means she can’t take any time off work right now.  

We are anxiously awaiting the doctors appointment on Monday to make sure everything is alright.  In the meantime, I’ll continue my going to school during the day, working at night, and keeping things up at home in my spare time.  Wish us luck!